ETF (Eat the Food)

"...people can’t even imagine a world 
where they are not obsessively controlling 
some sort of food, 
amount or eating behavior. 
Hopefully this post will encourage people 
to see past calories, carbs 
and whatever else they obsess about. 
Maybe they will let go 
and realize *they* are not in charge. 
You will notice below 
that I am certainly not in charge, 
my body is. 
 When you let your body have what it needs 
regardless how strange that may seem
 at any given moment, 
magic happens... 

 ...Keep in mind all three of these days/meals 
were eaten during a weight loss regimen
 that resulted in a pound of weight loss or more per week 
while counting nothing and eating as much as I wanted 
and less than 30 mins in the gym a week."

  - Introduction to Feasting by Chiefrok

Oh, how I would LOVE to listen to my body and give it exactly what it needs calorie and macronutrient-wise. I've never done that. Never.

Someone else has always imposed restrictions on my eating, or else I was rebelling against some diet, or I was overeating to compensate for some deprivation. I've never been able to listen to my body and give it what it needs.

Sure, I've tried since the weight loss surgeries to eat intuitively but my surgically altered gut doesn't communicate clearly nor does it accept what I put into it. Even if I could intuit my body's cues to eat, a giant hamburger like the one pictured above, I could choke down 3 bites tops before the dumping would start.

I can't eat like ChiefRok eats. I'd die of overfullness and dumping syndrome.

Mind you, he's not saying he overeats or force feeds himself just for the sake of calories in (although eating food is the best way to heat up your metabolism and release mass). He's saying that he follows his body's cues for what it needs.

How do we do that?
Recognize, decipher, and honor your cravings.
Sometimes you crave carbs. Sometimes it's fats. Sometimes it's salt or sugar. Sometimes it's a combo.

Me? I crave a variety of foods.Then I take a few bites. Then I'm sick. Then I have no idea if I've fulfilled my body's needs or not.

Thank God for my Josh shakes.
In case you're new, my shakes consist of
raw milk, raw farm egg, pureed fruit, white sugar, plain salt, and some cocoa for morale.
Fats, proteins, and carbs all in one shake.
I sip it over the course of the sunlit day.

At night I try to eat a real meal. It's easier to eat more food at night as I am home, on the sofa, not in front of people, so when the dumping occurs, I ride the couch till it's over, wishing I'd never eaten and swearing I'll never eat again. The sweats and rapid heartbeat are just awful.

Yeah, dumping is bad.
How can anyone learn to decipher their body's food cues when all this surgical restriction is happening?

One can't.
Wellness includes a well relationship with food. I don't see how that's possible with weight loss surgery.
Weight loss surgery prevents eating. One cannot make peace with eating in this condition. A MORE peaceful orientation maybe. I certainly don't/can't binge eat any longer, but restriction and dumping make it impossible to attain true peace.

Or maybe I'll find a way.


*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
With all the information in the world today, people are frequently overriding their body's natural signals in lieu of following some health regime, diet, exercise program, or other formula. But even just a tiny mistake like drinking too much water can cause serious problems. When the body makes requests, obey those requests. That's hundreds of thousands of years of evolution talking. And it's a much better health tool than any tool in the health industry.
click here or click below

Technology Fail

Note to Self: When you buy an appliance or device GET THE SERVICE CONTRACT!

My printer that is not even a year old will not permit me to align the print heads.
I keep getting the error message: Alignment Failed.

I'm really good at going to the service page online and following directions to remedy problems.
I did all the steps in the order they specified and still: Alignment Failed.

It is actually cheaper to just buy a new printer than to have this f*cker repaired.

I am livid.

BUT...and everyone loves a big BUTT...
I received a surprise check from Google AdSense today.
It will cover EXACTLY the price of a new printer.

Surprise: broken printer that must be replaced.
Surprise: money that came to me from a place I didn't expect.

It evens out.

Lord, please let me embrace this annoying glitch as an opportunity to be
grateful,
to embrace my openness to universal flow,
to know that you are always providing for me
in unexpected ways,
and to have a good time busting up this broken printer
Office Space style!

Lord, please let me be good natured about my problems.
There are people who are going to bed sick, hungry, lonely, and in pain.
Have mercy on them.
Let me be blessed by these tiny little problems that I can handle with your help
and be grateful that I have such a comfortable, fun, easy, joyful, life.

Lord, let me smile into my problems knowing they are so very solve-able.
You provide for me.

I am so grateful to have the means to replace things that break.
Thank you for pulling me out of poverty and despair when I reached up for you from whence cometh my help.

Let me take this opportunity to be grateful, thankful, humbled, joyful, faithful, and to look at my finances and say, "Wow! Things are so much better now than they were for me just a few years ago!"

A broken bone is a problem.
A broken printer?
Just an inconvenience.
Thank you for my problems.
Amen.
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mind meme

Source: Uploaded by user via Lisa on Pinterest

There is a Taoist saying: "The mind moves and the chi follows."
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Affirm!

“I am open to loving myself.”
Just stick with this affirmation for awhile. 

Try repeating this affirmation statement 

in the morning and at night for a few weeks. 

Even if you are not sincere at the beginning, 

if you stick with it you will notice 

your shell will begin to soften.

 - Affirmations Really Work!

 

Everything is ok, right now.

I know fixing a damaged self image

 is not easy 

and you will have to work at it 

if you really want to come out

 on the other side 

a more functional person. 

The rewards will astonish you 

if stick with it. 

Your life will be a lot easier too!

  - Affirmations Really Work!

It's a miracle.
I'm looking at pictures of myself and I'm not bursting into flames in a sudden wildfire of self abnegation.

In the top picture with my BFF Jil I look happy and I think I look kinda pretty.

In the middle pic you can plainly see my meaty arms. I'm still not baring my arms in a sleeveless but at least I'm not blaming world hunger and all the world's ills on my beefy upper arms.

In the bottom pic I was annoyed that I was the one closest to the camera and therefore the one who looks the largest BUT you can see my waist.
I have a waist. This thrills me.
I have all kinds of curves and womanly outcroppings that I'm still learning to love, but I'm hourglass shaped and this makes me feel good.

Yeah, Little Miss Spiritual still has the headgame of self-love to win.
I'm working on it!

I had a great time this weekend.
I ate, drank, and was in wonderful company with a variety of friends and family at all kinds of nice places and parties.

I don't think anyone gave a flying crap about my beefy arms.

I'm teaching online until July so I'm working from home.
I think it's time to do some YouTube videos on self esteem, avoiding weight loss surgery, and spiritual stuff.

How am I coming to a newfound appreciation of what I look like and the body I inhabit?

Telling myself good things
(You are a child of God with a purpose. You are therefore blessed and loved).

Asking myself good questions
(How did I get to be so smart, accomplished, and beautiful?)

Asking the universe the right questions
(How is it that I get healthier and stronger every day?)

Meditative affirmations
(I radiate beauty and attract love).

Qi Gong-style manifestation
(My life is enriching. I meet the right people at the right time.)

Prayer
(Holy holy holy Lord, God of power and might. Heaven and earth are full of your glory. I am grateful for all your blessings.)

More prayer
(God of all, please bless my endeavors so that I may experience Joy and help others to experience Joy. Help me to facilitate peace and learning. Help me to be open to your grace. Help me to show others how to be open to your perpetual grace and providence.)

Also, smiling.

Have a good time.
Know that happiness and peace are yours for the taking.
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HAES in a nutshell

"If you are not yet familiar with the Health at Every Size (HAES) approach, the short version, according to Dr. Jon Robison,
is that HAES comprises three components:

Self-Acceptance — Affirmation and reinforcement of human beauty and worth irrespective of differences in weight, physical size and shape

Physical Activity — Support for increasing social, pleasure-based movement for enjoyment and enhanced quality of life

Normalized Eating — Support for discarding externally-imposed rules and regimens for eating and attaining a more peaceful relationship with food by relearning to eat in response to physiological hunger and fullness cues"

from Dr. Deah's "It's Complicated"
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No Secret without God

"There is a relationship 

between thought and reality.

 Every thought is alive, 

and as soon as you think it, 

a result occurs immediately. 

However, to make something happen

 it may take a series 

of one thousand thoughts 

before you can actually see it 

with your eyes."

 - David Heckford on Shift 

"You attract everything you think about, 

stinking thinking attracts stinky life. 

No need to worry about law of attraction,

 it happens automatically. 

You need to be in a state of grace 

and all will flows as it should, 

not as you are forcing things, 

which is just rolling a rock uphill,

 eventually it rolls back to where you started. 

Was it a coincidence that right after 

the massive wave 

of 'law of attraction' teaching

 swept the country, 

our economy collapsed? 

Was it a fluke 

that after millions of new devotees

 took up visualizing better jobs and bigger homes, 

we had the most unprecedented job and home loss 

since the Great Depression? 

 How is it that, 

despite 

having more personal development programs 

than anywhere on the planet,

 the U.S. ranked 114 out of 143 countries

 in a study on happiness..."

- Sal Canzonieri

So what's wrong with positive thinking?
Nothing.
It's just that we do it in a way that splits us apart.
If we are constantly fantasizing about what should be we aren't placing ourselves in the now-ness of Divine grace.

Instead of wanting some future thing we can open ourselves to the providence of having in the present.
Be in a state of receiving.

I know you're thinking that when you're ill or broke or depressed it's hard to say
I am well.
I get more well every day.
I am provided for.
Money comes to me easily and often.
I am in the right place at the right time to receive opportunity.
But that's just what prayer and meditative manifestation entail: accepting that we have blessing in the Now.

I've had someone say to me, "But that's just not true. I am sick and broke and depressed. I can't lie to myself."

Well, then keep telling yourself how sick, broke, and depressed you are and watch that continue.

It's not a lie to accept that you are well.
Time is the factor here.
We have the present moment.
We have memories of the past.
We have dreams of the future.
The only real thing is the Now.

Time is the illusion we operate under as humans who experience consecutive moments in a linear fashion.
For the Divine, time is not a factor.
If we accept that we already have the love, money, energy, health, etc. it's because we're accepting God's blessing, faithfully, the way we feel the rain. If it's raining we feel raindrops hitting us. What if we walked outside and said, "It's not raining" because we aren't feeling all the raindrops all at once? What if in every split second between the raindrops we thought it wasn't raining? We'd have to be immersed in water to believe it's raining on us, but that's not how rain works. We get hit with raindrops in between being exposed to the air. It's still raining even if there are split second breaks in between the raindrops hitting us.
Same thing with blessings.

To have faith in God means saying "I am blessed" and then being in a state of receiving. That doesn't mean we don't take action. We do take steps to bring about health, wealth, and circumstances, but we must also walk in faith of God's grace. Sometimes we're riding around in a wheelchair on our way to being able to walk for hours on strong legs.

It's not easy to live in a state of receiving because it involves changing how we think.
We think that the Now stinks and the future might be brighter if we just apply enough positive thinking and hard work. What has to change is the way we despise the present.

What I'm learning is that we must feel that we already have "it". Whether it's walking or wealth we need to feel that it's ours.
It's acting-as-if plus some.

I'm not drinking cold, raw milk right now but it's in my refrigerator. I can't see it or taste it but I know it's there. It's mine. I'm not conflicted about it. I have Faith that I have milk to drink even though I can't see it right this second. I know you're saying, "But you put the milk in the fridge. You put it there!"
Yep.
Just like God puts blessings in your life.

I was able to tough it out in my wheelchair because I believed I was simply taking steps to be a walker. Walking was mine even when I was rolling around. Yeah, I boo-hooed and indulged in self pity at times but deep down I knew I'd be walking around on new knees. The same way one might bake a cake. How hard do we doubt the outcome of the cake? We mix ingredients and we bake it. There's no doubting no misery, no skepticism, and no anguish over it.

I know, you're thinking that sometimes cakes burn or come out lopsided or what not.
So?
Would anguish and forced positive thinking change the cake? Does a burnt cake mean faith doesn't work?
Trust in God means you calmly continue on even if the outcome doesn't match your vision.
Trust in God means trust that everything is working for your good.
If the cake accidentally burns it's  because it will lead you to the next thing to get you what God intends.

Allow yourself to be led.
Be in a dynamic relationship with the Divine/God in prayer, gratitude, faith, and service.

It's hard to give up anxiety and the need to control.
It's hard to give up micro-managing the universe.
It's hard to give up despair.
It's hard to give up worry.

Think about how much time and energy we spend worrying, being anxious, fretting over worst case scenarios, trying to figure out how to manipulate people and situations, and forcing our should-be's on life.
What if we didn't do that?
What if we stopped our incessant complaining?
What if we stopped living the worst-case-scenarios over and over in our heads?
What if we stopped trying to figure out how to get people to act the way we want them to?
What then?

We might be bored.

What the hell would we talk about? think about? do?

I'm asking myself those very questions.
What if I gave up on anxiety and worry?
What the hell would I think about?

I'm so deathly afraid of being passionless and bored.
That's a sin.
Worrying that I'll be bored without anxiety is a sin.
I want to trust God to provide for my happiness, passion, commitment, life path, love path, and livelihood.

I am catching myself in negative thoughts and instead asking,
"Why am I getting healthier and healthier every day?";
 "Why is my life so enriching now?";
 "Why am I always meeting the right people at the right time?"
And because I've struggled with self esteem issues in the past I ask,
"Why am I so smart and beautiful?"

The universe answers the questions we ask.
May as well ask the right ones.

The Law of Attraction or The Secret or whatever you want to call it needs the component of Faith in order to work well. Without the power of the Divine Source, God, there is just us wishing, hoping, and visualizing as if we have control over the future with our wishes.

We have to be open to Grace.
We have to live in Faith, a dynamic harmony with God, an active relationship with the Source and Creator of all.

I'm cautious of talking about God and Faith because I may have readers who are atheist or agnostic who might be alienated by such talk. That is doing all of us a disservice. If I can't be honest then I'm lying. I can't live in fear that someone is going to be offended by my faith-talk. I have to express myself as authentically as I can.

This is for my own good and for anyone reading.
You want to know what I really believe, right?

Well there it is.
Faith is a necessary component of accepting blessing.
I believe it
so I can receive it.
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Defeating the Mope

I was sad and almost defeated but instead I stirred up some major Qi.

I had my kitchen painted a couple of months ago.
Till today, I hadn't re-hung my framed posters
(rare Empire Strikes Back radio promo, Indiana Jones theatrical standee from the 80s, mirrors. etc.).
They were waiting in the corner of my bedroom waiting for 'someday'.
Well, today was Someday!

After my plans A, B, AND C fell through for tonight, I was on the mope.
Saturdays do that to me.
I feel that they're special and if I don't have something to do I'm dejected.

I moped.
Then I texted a friend just to see how she was doing.
She was also on the mope.
The two mopeheads got together and now we're going out to salvage our evening!

I got off the phone and grabbed my toolbox and the step ladder.
Yes, a big deal to be able to climb up and down from the step ladder
multiple times.
Got 7 pieces hung up on my kitchen walls
and put on my war paint for a girls' night out.

A little hope
a little action
and the mope monster has been defeated.

Take THAT mope monster!!
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